Welcome to the “7 Days to a Fun Marriage” challenge! This is the introduction module which will give you an idea of what you can expect of the course of the entire challenge. I’m super excited to see how your relationship transforms after this week focused on implementing these powerful new mindsets and techniques.
The reality is... having a fun and playful marriage matters!
When most couples meet, decide to date, and fall in love, it’s in large part because they’re having so much fun together. Everything is new and exciting! You stay up late talking about everything and nothing, you go on fun adventures, and develop inside jokes and laugh at the dumbest stuff. You can’t keep your hands off each other.
You think, “If life is this incredible now, imagine how much better it will be when we’re married!”
Then life happens.
You grow out of the honeymoon phase where everything is new and exciting and interesting. Reality starts to set in. Suddenly, you realize your once-perfect partner has flaws that might start to grate on your nerves. You get bogged down with work commitments, financial obligations, paying taxes, keeping the house clean and the lawn mowed… and you start giving up some of the things that have always made you happy.
Your kisses become a little less passionate, your date nights a little less frequent, the monotony of routine eats away at the spontaneity that used to be so prevalent in your relationship. The stress slowly creeps in on the fun that once came so easily.
Now, having fun is obviously not the reason we get married... but it’s a vital part of staying connected to the person you love.
Think about the times you laugh when you’re with someone you love. The times you laugh at things that are funny are small in comparison to the times you laugh in order to acknowledge, validate, or connect with someone. We laugh with those we love to let them know we are with them, we’re on their side, we’re not a threat, and they’re not alone. This type of laughter builds trust and resiliency into your relationship.
The most resilient people are able to look for the good even in the most grim circumstances. There’s a refreshing kind of hope that comes with being mired in chaos or struggle and being able to laugh at your circumstances. Laughter is a great tool humans use to endure hardship.
One of the best ways to leave behind your self-consciousness and your worry, and to be present in the moment is to develop a playful mindset and attitude. When we train ourselves let go of, or laugh at our challenges and struggles, it’s much easier to find joy, peace, and satisfaction regardless of the circumstances.
In the next 7 days we’re going to help you develop more fun and playfulness in your marriage by tackling one simple challenge...
You might be thinking, “How on earth am I going to do this? My partner just doesn’t invest in our marriage like they used to…”
Here’s the cold truth:
“Fun is a choice, not an outcome. You decide your way into fun; you don't just stumble into it.
When fun is an outcome and not a choice, the quality of your marriage is determined by the words and actions of others. But when fun is a choice and not an outcome, the quality of your marriage is determined solely by your attitude.”
Regardless of whether or not your partner is on board, you can choose to develop a playful attitude. You can initiate more fun and novelty in your marriage. You can choose adventure over routine.
It takes 2 people to work together in order to maintain the status quo in a relationship. It only takes one person to change it.
The first step of this challenge is to commit to the goal. The goal we’ve chosen is to DO SOMETHING YOU’VE NEVER DONE WITH YOUR PARTNER.
This is the end result you’ll be graded on… but you’ll get SO much more out of this challenge.
Here’s what you’ll get out of the next week to help you achieve your goal:
On day 1, you’re going to get real clarity into what “fun” looks like to you in your marriage. Clarity is power. If you don’t start with clarity around what you want, how can you ever know you’ve got it?
On day 2 we’ll talk about some of the things that kill fun, and how to bring it back when it’s gone. You can’t create fun in your relationship if you’re oblivious to the things that prevent fun from happening!
Fun demands time. When you don’t prioritize spending time together, it’s easy for the demands of work, raising kids, hobbies, friends, chores, yard work, running errands, and other busyness to overrun your calendar.
Playfulness requires downtime. Time where we can set aside all of our crazy responsibilities and just be in the moment. Learning to prioritize your time is KEY to creating more play in your relationship.
(Make sure the time you set aside is time where you’re at your best, not just scraps.)
On day 4 we’ll be talking about how to have more adventure in your marriage. Adventure means taking risks and stepping outside your comfort zone. It means experiencing something new, and exposing yourself to new ideas, and new people, and new activities. Being more adventurous is a great way to create tons of fantastic memories, and is wonderful way to bond.
On day 5 we’ll be talking about how to develop a mindset of playfulness. Have you ever noticed that kids have an innate playfulness that can turn ANY situation into fun? A kitchen table turns into a mysterious cave full of treasure, a stick and a rock turn into a sword and buried treasure, and a fart is always funny. Developing a mindset of playfulness will help you create memories out of the most mundane experiences.
Entitlement kills enjoyment. A sense of satisfaction, wonder and enjoyment comes from feeling undeserving of the wonderful life you’re living. When you focus on creating an attitude of gratitude in your relationship, you’ll create opportunities to celebrate regardless of whether your attempts at playfulness are successful or not.
Over the previous 6 days, you will have gained some powerful insights about yourself, your marriage, and your capacity to create fun and playfulness in your life. You’re far more likely to become a master of, and implement this new information if you teach what you’ve learned with people you love. Teach your spouse, your friends, your kids, or your parents. On day 7, you’ll teach them what you’ve learned, and invite them to level up their love-game.